Relationships…… One Thing I Don’t Get!!!

Now just to clarify, I do know a little about some things…but after having already lived half my life, there is one thing I have not got my head around; and that’s relationships! The evidence of this is that I have been single for over 12years now, so whatever I am doing..ain’t working!


While I do get that quantum physics demonstrates that quantum equations describe something that is real and out there. And instead of thinking that a photon takes a single straight path through space, we can regard it as taking all possible paths through space, and adding the amplitudes for every possible path... I get that!


I also get that apart from the fact that it looks really pretty, the science and significance of studying the human genome will go a long way in helping us understand how it is we work...I get that!


I also understand, that now is not the time to experiment with Nash’s Game Theory in the forum of economics, as in this current economic climate nobody can win...I get that!


And I have also finally just been able to figure out how to use most of the features on my mobile phone..

But I knew I was really in trouble when I had sent an email to a male friend of mine, when up popped an ‘add’ that said (based on key words typed in my doc.) “Relationship Killers: 8 Things You Should Never Say”!!! Well it was that moment of 'truth' that made me realise I was not going to figure this one out on my own.

So I consulted some online “Relationship Guru’s” and here in part is what they had to say:

“Have you ever taken the time to sit down and really and truly picture and imagine what it must be like to be an attractive and ‘masculine’ man?”

Well of course I had to admit I never had and was concerned that the feeling had never occurred to me!!!..(LOL).

Another “Guru” explains;

“why women have had the experience of feeling like they've finally found something "real" with a man, and sharing themselves both emotionally AND physically, only to have him suddenly PULL AWAY. Very best tips and secrets for creating a deep and lasting attraction inside your man are here: It all comes down to understanding just a “few” (italics mine) important things about men”!

OK, but yet another ‘Guru’ says:

“After years of research, and talking to hundreds of both men and women about what is important to them in a loving, connected relationship… I’ve found that there are 5 things a woman MUST understand in order to make a man feel those special feelings for her”…

And again he states: “This motivated me to spend the last few years studying, researching, and observing to build a clear map and picture of how attraction works---in both the short AND long term---so that I could share my understanding and help others”.

Now I figured that if it took this GUY, years of studying and research to understand other guy’s, what hope do I really have..???

And just when I was beginning to get my head around all of this I’m warned:

“Lots of male behaviors are actually harmless displays of male “resistance” and withdrawal to deep connection and true intimacy, but they’re only harmless IF a woman knows what these are and isn’t freaked out by them”….Huh???

And then I’m consoled with yet more research on the part of another ‘Guru’:

“And now… after several years of research and conversations with men, women, dating experts, scientists, and everything else in between… I’m pleased to say I’ve FINALLY figured it out…Did you know that a man can express affection, caring, generosity, and act “loving” without having
ANY IDEA as to whether or not he wants to be with a woman in the future”?

Is it just me??? And on that note I will give up!

What all their expertise and advice boiled down to was that when you are seeking a relationship with
a man..you have to be deceptive, fake, play hard to get, don’t show any emotional need or intimacy, tell him you are in other relationships (even if you are not)..and whatever happens under NO circumstances use the terms ‘we’ or ‘us’ or the “L” word…!!!

And all along I was thinking that a relationship was about finding someone you can talk to, be yourself, trust, be honest, plan a future, want to only be with them and dare I say love…I am obviously way off track..just sayin’

“The Precious Present” – Enjoying the Moment!

Modern living comes with many challenges that can leave us feeling that our lives are in chaos and despair.

And when we do have a moment to reflect on our lives we may become anxious about the future as it all seems so volatile andunpredictable.  Fear grips every decision we make even when it comes to little things.

When we are not worrying about the future we begin to agonise over our past mistakes, decisions and regrets. These feelings leave us emotionally crippled and disabled. But rather than letting these thoughts define who we are – we need to let them refine who we are.

One expert on being peaceful had this to say about anxiety: “So never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties”!  (Jesus of Nazareth)

  

Rather than using our time to worry about the future or agonising over the past we need to just embrace today.  

Try to:

Take a ‘moment’ to see the good that you have, the good that you are and the good that you can do.

Take a ‘moment’ to stop and smile at a happy thought, happy face, be friendly and acknowledge your fellow man.

Take a ‘moment’ to enjoy some of the pretty things you have today, flowers, garden, kids, family and friends.

Take a ‘moment’ to make new friends and remember to love old ones.

And who knows the’ moment’ may last an hour, a day, a year or a life time.

This poem was given to me by a special friend who had the courage to enjoy the moment and truly understood what it means.

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."  (Mary Jean Iron)

Take time to enjoy the moment, for it is the precious present…just sayin’

Life Was Never Meant to Be Easy – Especially for Parents.

This weekend I read in the newspaper about a married couple who were so overwhelmed with the behaviour of their 7yr old daughter, her mother expressed that she hated her and they were considering how they could put her into care!

Now I will not argue that parenting would have to be one of the most difficult, and in many instances, the most thankless challenge a person will undertake.  However, it would be really beneficial if before undertaking this challenge that ‘would be’ parents are not only prepared but willing to be committed to it.

Right from the start, I would like to point out that parenting in not just a 20year project, as some have suggested in the past. But it is a commitment for life – their life!

I’m not quite sure where the concept of “hopefulness” plays a part in parenting either. As it seems MANY, like the couple with the 7yr old, just HOPE that they will give birth to an all knowing, agreeable, co-operative and pleasant human being and they will innately understand their place in the scheme of things, for example; I’m the parent – you’re the child and comply!

Our children, from the day they are born – through to adolescents in particular (this is the 20yr part of it), require 100% commitment from you! It is not enough to spend a couple of hours at each end of the day and expect to have an amazing attachment and relationship with them, and this works both ways.

I am not going to speculate on the in’s and out’s of the above mentioned couples parenting skills but one thing is an absolute certainty – all children need time, attention, discipline, guidance and most of all love from YOU- the parents  (and not just quality child care).

How do I know this? At present I work with 24 adolescents who have been deemed as highly at risk of;  not completing school, engaging in risky behaviour, drug and alcohol abuse, not engaging in employment, not behaving in a sociably acceptable manner and are most likely to be incarcerated! And I know they are difficult children to love too!

And yet, even at this late stage of their “parenting” (because that’s what I am in fact really paid to do); I have seen the most remarkable results! But this has been through hard work, establishing trust, reasonable boundaries…yes boundaries, discipline when required, and above all - time and love – and yes I do love them most of the time: ).

So parents turn it around! There is so much talk and emphasises on investing in our future financially and environmentally and it is true that life is not easy….. but what we really need to do is invest in our children –just sayin’

Rome in Ruins – literally!!!

It appears that as he departs from the world stage of politics, the former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has not only left the economy  in ruins – but while he was occupied with  becoming  famous for his outrageously decadent “Bunga Bunga” parties, the real fame of the once Roman Empire has been neglected beyond repair!

Recent newspaper articles report that there has been a recent collapse of a stretch of wall near the Porta di Nola (in Pompeii). This is just a year after the city’s House of Gladiators disintegrated. In addition to this, the mortar has been coming off the Colosseum in slabs and Nero’s fabled Golden Palace caved in!

However, to his credit Mr Berlusconi did authorise a notable renovation! At his order he had the restorers reinstate a $94,000 artificial penis to the marble statue of the Roman god Mars, on loan to his official residence. Which I suppose is a very apt representation and a reflection of how this one man thinks and what he sees as a priority….did I say one man??? ….Just sayin’

Can we Spare a Thought for Our Youth

November 11 is the day that many throughout the world remember the brave and the fallen that have fought the many endless battles on behalf of our governments who send them.

But I’d like us all to spare a thought too for another group of people in our global community that are also fighting a constant battle – and that’s our youth!!!

I know that for those of you who have raised or are raising teenagers, what a challenge this can be and you most likely feel at times that you are the ‘enemy’ in this battle of their's. But take a moment to think about what their battle looks like:

· Their stuff- Yesterday your teenager was a child, just doing all the things that a child does without responsibility, pressure or knowledge of adult life. Today, their brain suddenly, without build up or warning flooded their bodies with hormones that not only changed the way they look, but changed the way they feel and think. And now that this ‘change’ has occurred the teenager thinks they have become all knowing and invincible! – But of course they are frightened and fearful about what’s happening to them because emotionally they are the same child that they were yesterday.

· Your stuff – Yes now that they are teenagers you stoped treating them like children and they get to know exactly how hard you work to pay their bills, and that you are tired and stressed and your life and relationships are hard and that you actually have your own ‘life’ changes going on too. Now we share this load with our teenagers (even if it is vicariously through our words and actions) - who yesterday we shielded from this reality because they were children!

· Peer stuff – This is where the battle gets really vicious and ugly because our teenagers, who yesterday were children, need to become magazine models, sports stars, academic genius’, have to have ‘relationships’ and be popular, own every latest piece of technology, keep up with every fashion shift etc,. Meanwhile there is pressure to engage in risky behaviour with sex, drugs, alcohol and rebellion. They become merciless bullies or are mercilessly bullied. Not to mention the symptoms of battle fatigue; anorexia, bulimia, self-mutilation, depression and anxiety……

It isn’t any wonder that at times they react immaturely and are uncooperative, emotional, unhappy, rebellious, confused and angry. All of this is happening to our teenagers who yesterday were our children and the day before that our babies.

Can we just spare a thought for their ‘reality’ and support them as best we can through their battle – just sayin’

P.S These are only some of the things that our teenagers have to contend with and this is assuming they are living in safety, with families that love them and our not in countries at war or in poverty or are affected by the various crisis impacting on our globe today.

“Make Hay While the Sun Shines”

If you think you are having a bad day, click on Al Jazeera News and just get a glimpse of the state the world is in - in 2011.
I think without a doubt 2011 will go down in history as a very bad year!!!

This being the reality – this ancient proverb by Aristophenes the Athenian uttered some 1500 years ago – “Make hay while the sun shines” – is as valid today as it was then.

In essence, it means make to the most of what you have while you still have it… that’s assuming you still do have ‘it’ and not living in one of the world's many hot spots of 2011.

Anyway, just as a diversion, I thought I would expound on the origins of this phrase.
Given that Aristophenes was a comic playwright, I do find the context interesting and somewhat humerous and at the same time, kind of sad but true!!!

“When the soldier returns from the wars, even though he has white hair, he very soon finds a young wife. But a woman has only one summer; if she does not make hay while the sun shines, no one will afterwards have anything to say to her, and she spends her days consulting oracles that never send her a husband”.

Hmm, but I suppose it could be well said that we all may have ‘only one summer’ given the present state of humanity in 2011. Yes, make hay while the sun still shines as I don’t think we need an oracle to tell us that ‘winter’ is coming …just sayin’

Going Global???

During the past week I was reading my national newspaper when I read this headline: “Race to the Bottom Won’t End Unless Unions Go Global”!!! Global unions??? This was in response to Australia’s national airline (Qantas) grounding its entire fleet to thwart union demands…!!!

Then it occurred to me (as it does), there is this overwhelming wave of support for going global or for a global authority that is resonating through all elements of society!

While there have always been ‘voices in the wilderness’ whispering this desire for a ‘one world’ or a ‘new world’ of global governance that brings peace and security, it is now becoming a ‘barbaric yawp’ on three dominant stages; Government, Currency and Religion.

Global Government: In modern history, commencing with the founding of the United Nations in 1945, the intention was to pursue steps toward a central world government. Its main goal, it seems, was to create international law, international security, economic development, human rights, social equity and eventually..world peace. This hope has never been more desperately needed than in recent times, because for the first time events have impacted even on the privileged and wealthy. All of this has culminated in lots of recent ‘talk’ relating to a need for a ‘new world order’ to realize this global government.

Global Currency: The Global Financial Crisis , the instability of the Euro, the impact and state of the US economy and the threat of emerging currencies from Asia has compelled the ‘think tanks’ to urgently bring about monetary and financial reforms. The solution, it seems, is a global currency!!!

Global Religion: Among the many advocates of a world religion, King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia has been planning for years to find a way to unite the world’s major religions and he believes that a new international organization (housed in Vienna) will help that dream become a reality!

In fact, these are the foundation pillars of the ‘New World Order’ (apparently), World Government, global currency and one religion.

Now I don’t want to be a ‘party pooper’ because clearly we do need to come up with a better plan; but let’s take a moment to look at the science (cause and effect) and the reality (facts):

The UN has been in existence for 66yrs and you can judge for yourself if it has achieved its objectives. The experiment of ‘one currency’ in Europe has resulted in anything but stability and financial security. Finally, I would be impressed if the same religion could co-exist let alone those of differing beliefs.

Don’t get me wrong, I did sing John Lennon’s “Imagine” back in the 70’s with idealistic passion and hoped for the best, but given the evidence…yes we do need something better, but I think we are looking for “love” in all the wrong places….just sayin”

Occupied???

While the world’s first democracy is in serious crisis and ‘occupied’ with trying to find ways to pay back enormous debt that has been accumulated by those who have not had an occupation…

It seems the rest of the world too, has become ‘occupied’!

Americans have ‘occupied’ Wall Street and numerous other locations throughout the country in an effort to expose that the richest 1% hasan unfair monopoly that negatively impacts on the rest. Sadly, the ‘occupation’ in Oakland turned ugly this week, looking more like Syria than California!

The Middle East has been ‘occupied’, this past spring, in the streets of various nations to protests against the corruption and crimes of their governments against the people. Demonstrating that ‘people power’ can make a difference… Palestine just continues to be ‘occupied’….!!!

Europe is ‘occupied’ with the G20 Summit, planning a ‘New World’ and ‘New Ideas’ with the same old rhetoric but with the auspicious challenge of thinking of fanciful initiatives on how to finance it all!

Surveys suggest (and I also have it on good authority) that at any given time, most people are seldom at home but are ‘occupied’ elsewhere!

So with all this ‘occupation’ going on one would think that everyone would just be exhausted and want to go home and be unoccupied for a change…..just sayin’

Coincidence: What does it all mean???

The definition of a coincidence is: a chance occurrence of events remarkable either for being simultaneous or for apparently being connected.

From time to time, all of us experience either minor or quite remarkable coincidences. I remember a couple of years ago I was introduced to my friend's niece, who was visiting from another country. She had the same name as my son, and she looked about the same age so I asked her how old she was. They were not only the same age but they were born on the exact same date! Further discussion revealed they had exactly the same initials too!…..hold that thought.

On another occasion when I was travelling through the Australian Outback, I was wandering alone down some obscure road in the national park and I could see this person walking toward me, only to realise it was a friend of mine from my community that was 1000’s of miles away! ...hold that thought.

Then another time, I was flying from London to Sydney. During this time, I lived in a little coastal community about 4hrs drive south of Sydney. The lady sitting next to me on that flight was travelling to the same small town. So without even knowing each other we travelled from one side of the world together to the exact same destination!...hold that thought.

I have another dear friend who also lives in another part of world and we realised that we had 16yrs between us, we lived 16,000 kms apart and the time difference was 16hours!!! So I decided to do some research on the number 16 to see if there was any significance attached to it….and guess what? There wasn’t!!!

So coincidence (as remarkable as it seems), what does it all mean???? ….absolutely nothing..: )

So ponder no longer.......Just sayin’… (and so does Plutarch).

“It is no great wonder if in long process of time, while fortune takes its course hither and thither, numerous coincidences should spontaneously occur”. Plutarch